In fairytales and romantic movies, the girl or guy finds their happily ever after. I recall when I began dating that I wanted to find my “Mr. Perfect”. I wanted a mate that was over 6 feet, muscular build, great sense of humor and a great personality. 

What I learned about relationships is that in order for you to have your happily ever after, you have to have found happily ever after within yourself first. Sounds weird huh?

Some people do not realize that happiness is not the responsibility of another person. It’s your responsibility to maintain your happiness. Sure, you want the people around you to bring happiness to your life and fill your heart with all the love it can hold. Well, what if your heart can’t hold the love you are being given simply because it’s been broken so many times? Instead of repairing the problem before moving on to the next, you choose to instead move to the next person. No consideration for yourself and your emotions that are in need of repair. Nope. 

When we move on from past relationships, be it a friendship or romantic one, we tend to bury the feelings and move forward. Those feelings remain buried until the new person says or acts in a fashion that reminds you of your past.  And that is were the problem begins. You have two options: treat this situation according to what is actually happening, or two, respond the way you should have in the past with the last one. 

Some people will say that there is nothing wrong with either option. I would wholeheartedly agree with you except this one thing: how DID you treat the last one? Like really, how was your previous relationship? How did you respond in good times and the bad ones? And lastly, were you unmasked when you meet the last one and this one (and I’m not talking about 😷).

So, instead of leaving a trail of broken hearts trying to find love, heal your own heart so you can finally receive the love others are trying to give you. If you need help during your healing process, reach out to a therapist or counselor near you. There is nothing wrong with telling a complete stranger what’s really going on, how you really feel, and what has really affected you in your lifetime. Eventually, that total stranger will become your confidant, someone you will come to truly appreciate.

And for those of you that have healed or haven’t had your heart broken, congratulations! You have done the heavy lifting to protect your mind, body, and spirit from the unnecessary crap relationships can sometimes create. You want to settle down with that special someone and have your own slice of happily ever after. Cool! One thing tho, make sure that the person you choose to be with can do things for you that you can’t do for yourself. 

I heard a woman say that she didn’t need a man to provide for her. I thought to myself, then why do you have one? Then I thought, I have thought the same thing before though. So how can I judge her? After I was done chastising myself for being judgy, I realized that everyone wants someone to complete them. You want someone who can take you to perfection in the same way you will do for them. If I complete myself 100%, then I am a special type of human and need to be examined. Since I know that I am partially complete at 60%, my spouse fills in the 40% I am missing, making me perfect.

So at a time that we all need love, we also need to heal. Heal our hearts, heal our minds. If you are staying put at home, start dating yourself (even if you are in a relationship!). Take this time to get you back in line, in love, and in life.