Loyalty comes with a few perks. If you are a faithful customer, you receive perks like coupons for freebies or a discount off your next purchase. Commitment in that manner helps you save money and lets you know that you are valued as a customer. But what about the perks of loyalty to friends and family? Are you treated as an asset to the relationship or a necessary inconvenience?

Relationships, no matter the type, carry a certain amount of loyalty. People depend on this type of commitment in the same manner as trust. It goes hand in hand. If I am loyal to you, that means that I trust that you have my best interests at heart. And in return, you have my unwavering loyalty. Now let’s take this to another level. What if your commitment to me overshadows the dedication I have for you? Will you still have that same amount of loyalty if I treated you the same as I would someone who I know has zero commitment to me? Some may answer: it depends on how you treat the other person. What did that person do to get that response? What didn’t they do? How loyal were you to that person? These are real logical questions that anyone would ask. But one question that you should ask yourself is this: what did you do to deserve this type of treatment in the same manner as someone who has no loyalty?

If you can’t think of anything, then you may want to reevaluate the relationship. Sometimes we remain loyal to people who show us time and time again their disloyalty. We hang on to the thoughts of yesterday, feeling as if the person is having a temporary lapse of judgment. Then time goes on, and disloyalty remains. You still help others. You continue to show your loyalty in the same manner that you always have. Nothing has changed for you. You still hold onto the hope that your friend, significant other, or family member will eventually snap out of it, and loyalty will resume. That’s a fantastic fairytale, but sometimes it doesn’t happen that way.

We want to give others the benefit of the doubt. We don’t want to believe what we see. We want to pretend that it’s a temporary setback when we may need to look deeper and see that this has been an ongoing situation. For example, what if I told you that I remained loyal to someone after they showed me numerous times there was no loyalty for me in them? Well, it happened. One example from years ago, I had a friend that I blindly gave trusted. He was someone that I naturally gravitate it too. I enjoyed his company. This person was someone who helped me to get out of my shell. I noticed how he would treat his family members and friends that have been in his life longer than he had known me. I would listen to how he spoke about others, how he gossiped about others, and never thought that he would do that to me. That is when stupidity stepped in.

One day I was sitting on my couch, and he called me. He was at work and was bored. Since I had the day off, he asked if he could come over to chill with me to get away from his job. I said yes, and an hour later, he was at my apartment. As we sat down and chatted, he asked me for a favor. His request was straightforward: could I work his shift that weekend for him to spend time with his boyfriend. 

Because I was a workaholic, I would always jump at the chance for overtime. He knew that. However, this time around, I could not work. My vacation was starting and I had plans to visit my family in Florida. So I had to let him know that I wouldn’t be able to do it. He told me that he understood. We sat for another hour and talked. He left, and two hours later, my coworker called me: “Girl, do you know that George called me and said some crazy stuff about you?” Before the woman could go any further, my response was: “Whatever. I know George. He would never say anything crazy about me. He’s my best friend.” She attempted to warn me again, and stupidly, I rejected her once again.

A few weeks later, I had volunteered to work a double shift to cover my supervisor during the 3rd shift and my regular administrator duties during the 1st shift. I remember using my keycard to get into the suite. As I walked through the lobby, I heard voices coming from the administrative office area. Because of curiosity and the fact that the CEO and CFO were both out of town, I walked towards the noise’s direction. As I got closer, I recognized one of the voices. It was George. What I heard next hurt me to my soul: “Honey, let me tell you. That girl acts like she can do everything by herself and for herself. She makes me sick being that way. She got them kids and don’t get child support. She cries to me because the father wants nothing to do with the kids. I just sit there and listen. But what I want to ask her is why she didn’t keep her legs closed? She wouldn’t have baby daddy issues if she kept her legs closed or do like normal people and just swallow the kids.”

At that moment, I felt like I had the word stupid written all over my face. At first, I felt ashamed because I trusted this person. If he asked for my help, I was there unless I could not be there for him. Eventually, I learned that sometimes loyalty turns into stupidity simply because you don’t want to believe that someone you trust would betray you in any manner. I state all of this for this reason: some of you remain loyal to those who wouldn’t save your life if you were strapped to a train track. You see the signs, ignore them, then cry your eyes out because you never thought it could happen to you. Sorry sweetie, but no one is exempt from being backstabbed. My advice: learn from the disloyal act and strive to calibrate your loyalty to unfaithful people. Make boundaries and enforce them. Trust me, doing so will save you time and tears.