This is my open letter to my sons. I am sharing this because there may be a parent that feels the same way about their children. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your child/children.

Boys,

I decided to write this letter to you guys to apologize for the things I could not teach or failed to guide you. You boys have given me some much love and have been the bright spots in my life. I strived over the years to correct myself when faced with new challenges as you grew. 

Dee, you being first, I placed too much pressure on you, and for that, I apologize. I always envisioned you as this polished version of me in male form, but with your personality guiding the way. It has taken me a while to realize that just because I choose the path I am currently on does not mean that I should want that for you. I only want the best for you. And FYI, you are my first genius. I adore you and love you more than you will ever know. I love the way you are living your authentic life and respect the growth you have made.

Zay, Zay, Zay. You are my miracle baby. You are a remarkable young man with so much talent. I want to apologize to you for pushing you too hard in school. You know that education is a top priority. You do your work, attend your classes, and use your time wisely. I want you to continuing feeding your mind with all the science stuff you can find—my future astrophysicist. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

K, you give me life. Watching you and all the energy you have keeps me energized and tired all at the same time. I would not trade it for the world. I want to apologize to you for expecting more from you based on what others say versus the bond you and I have. I am so sorry I did that. It took the time that we have had together during the quarantine to realize that I should be listening more to how you are being treated by teachers instead of thinking the teacher is always right. I promise I will do better. I love you to the moon and back.

I will continue to grow as a mother, just like you will as young men. I want what’s best for each one of you. But I also want you to have your individuality. So no more of my projecting my wishlist onto you. I think the paths you each are taking are the right ones for your lives, and I am so very proud of you. 

Love, Momma