Someone told me about an issue between two friends that she could not resolve. On the one hand, she wanted to be there for the friend that she has known since childhood, but on the other hand, she also did not see eye to eye with her childhood friend’s issue with their mutual friend. The conversation went sort of like this…

One day, Peanut Butter(PB) opened the door to her home and saw that someone messed up her living room. As she walked inside her house, she noticed that someone shattered her glass cookie jar on the kitchen floor. This has to be a joke. I didn't leave my home looking like this, she thought. Suddenly, she heard the voices of her two roommates, Jelly(J) and Celery(C). 

They were arguing about something. Then PB heard a loud thud coming from the same direction as the voices. Curious about what or who just fell over, PB runs down the hallway, searching each room. No one was in Celery's room. No one was in Jelly's room. Now curiosity turns to anger. PB started to realize that the noise was coming from HER room. As she began to open the door, she hears J say, “Then why does he like you more?” C replies, “Because he sees YOU as a sister. Besides, you never told me that you had a crush on him!” J decided to pick up a lamp and throw it at Celery. "HE KNEW I LIKED HIM! l told him. He is the only person who needed to know."

At this point, PB is livid and asks, "What the hell is going on in my house?" Shocked and frustrated, J begins to tell her how C is now Raisin's girlfriend. An angry and deeply confused PB asks, "What does that have to do with me?" J avoids answering the question and continues to talk about how C betrayed her.

Before J could even finish, PB asked again," What does that have to do with me?" J becomes offended by that question. She asks, "PB, we are friends, correct?" PB shook her head yes. J continued, "so l can come to you with my issues, right?” PB, again, shakes her head yes. "So are you going to be my friend and listen to what I have to say and help me solve this, right?" J asks, with a half-smile.

Before answering, PB calmed herself. She was able to see that her friend was upset, but she could not overlook how someone destroyed her belongings. After taking a deep breath, PB says, "Some of what you said is true. But I will not allow someone l call a friend to use friendship as a tool for disrespecting my home. So I will ask you again, what does that have to do with me?" With a look of anger, J turns and walks away.

Like I told my friend, I have dealt with moments like that plenty of times in my life. It can be hard choosing sides. It’s even harder finding the right words to say. You want to fix the situation. Unfortunately, you have to understand that you as the listener only have two options: choose sides or stay out of it. Easier said than done, right?

My take away from those moments is this: If it doesn't involve you, stay entirely out of it. For me, I am always down to listen to another person. I don't have much to talk about, so I prefer to listen. If the conversation drifts into the mutual friend zone, I change the topic-- QUICK! I don't want to be in the middle of anyone's disagreement. That's a guaranteed way to cause unnecessary drama and have blame cast on you for being in the middle of it. Sometimes, remaining neutral can save someone a lot of headaches.