I'm a black woman with bougie taste and dreams. I want so much more out of life than I currently have but can't get past this invisible boundary. I have watched how countless people have come to a plateau in their lives and have been able to overcome it. With help from loved ones, they're able to overcome the stagnation they have in their lives, and they move forward. My loved ones encourage me. My loved ones love me. But this constant state of being stuck is driving me nuts. Let me explain.

It's pretty common for women like me to blame their stagnation or even beginning a process to become better on their children. The reason (sometimes) is that being a mother is hard—your time's best suited with and for your children. Or the timeless classic, I had to put my dreams to the side because of my kids. Those are reasons for some and excuses for others. Some others cannot push forward because of the struggles they have as a parent. Motherhood is a very stressful job, and it takes a lot of focus to make sure that these tiny humans can grow up and become big humans. The time and dedication that we give as mothers sometimes put us in a position where our only thoughts pertain to our children. And then, they are those mothers who have the time, money, and opportunity to do better for themselves but do not pursue anything better than what they have.

Now I'm not judging anyone. I'm just stating that as a parent, we should be able to fulfill our dreams while raising our children. We may not be able to do the big stuff out the gate, but baby steps can take us to where we want to be. We may not have the money, the connections, or sitters at times, but we can start somewhere. And that is what I have done.

My stagnation comes from my lack of focus. I'm not afraid to admit where my issue is. My focus was off and trying to move past the position I'm currently in became an afterthought. I gave up. I did not want to give up on myself, but I felt like life told me to do so. Having little to no focus can create issues within yourself that can cause you to lose self-esteem. It can cause you to feel unworthy. Or, in my case, like a lazy person.

I sat in my sunroom one day and decided that I wanted to do the right thing and chose not to allow my focus to be squarely on one target. I had to let myself know that it is okay to live life and pursue my dreams simultaneously. It's still a complex concept to me, but I'm learning and growing from the experience.

My advice: if you reached a plateau and felt as if you're stuck, hit the pause button. Find out what the cause is and figure out a way around it. When you're working out after a certain amount of time, your body hits a specific limit, and it seems as if you're not losing weight or gaining the muscle that you anticipated. You have to find a new way of jumping over that hurdle to continue on your journey. Once you find the best solution to overcome your stagnation, continue moving forward. Hit the pause button again to unpause and move forward. Don't dim your light before it has a chance to shine.