It's hard to deal with when you make significant discoveries about your life. The major discovery can be something that has been building over time and you simply ignored it. But once you finally open your eyes, it's hard to stomach. Well, that has happened to me. I decided to use this post as my last personal thought post to vent and release. At least for a little while.

I'm going to share something that I have to put a disclaimer out before saying anything further:

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

This blog post includes divorce and the mental rollercoaster you go on before, during, and after a relationship ends. I acknowledge that this content may be difficult. I also encourage you to care for your safety and well-being. With that being said, if you are uncomfortable reading any further, I understand and encourage you to go back to the previous page. If you continue reading, you will read about my personal take on divorce based on what I have experienced. I want to get this all out to continue growing and moving forward.

I finally made a decision. A little over two years ago, I made the half-hearted decision to get a divorce. I say half-heartedly because I was having doubts. I doubted myself and tried to see how I could fix what I was told was broken. Every three days, I would walk around under high anxiety, waiting to hear the next complaint. Each complaint was always twisted into how I could do more. Each complaint was filled with how things are my fault and never the other person's fault. The only resolution I thought of at the time was to give in to what the person was asking for.

The fear that I had was being in a failed marriage... again. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I swore that I wouldn't get divorced again if I remarried. I started developing anxiety and significant fear in 2019 because I knew that divorce was near. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I tried so hard to fix everything. Nothing seemed to work. I was even actually doing what I was told would work. I started doubting myself. I started questioning my role as a mother, sister, and daughter. I started doubting myself as a woman and wife and a role model. And I accepted it all because I developed a fear of a second failed marriage. I did not want to go through another divorce.

I feel better now that I have let this out. I wanted to say this to anyone going through a similar situation: don’t allow fear to help you disguise the truth about your relationship. You should never fear rescuing yourself from a bad situation, no matter how abnormal it feels. I understand what societal norms are, and unfortunately, divorce is one of them.

Now that I had cleared my mind, I decided that I would quiet my mind. My reflection month is coming up here in a few days, so I want to go ahead and prepare for that. I plan on doing a detox. I want to clear out all the toxins and impurities from the medicines and bad foods I've eaten. But I also want to dabble and blog my opinions about this new show, Love & Marriage: DC. Now I'm a fan of Love & Marriage: Huntsville. I have so many thoughts about each cast member, and I thought it would be a way to open up new possibilities. So I am editing my first reaction blog for the new series love and marriage DC. I will post it with the second episode reaction the day after the original airs. So I want to expand my writing and learn how to expand my creativity. So let me know what you think about the new blogs that I'll be posting soon.