I’m Afraid of Me

Sounds strange, huh! But yes, I am afraid of myself. My words scare the crap out of me. I have a very active brain that loves following the clues of the world and try to make sense of things that simply do not make much sense to me. I love God, but don’t define myself as a Christian but a very spiritual person. I attempt to connect to like-minded individuals, so the feeling of loneliness doesn’t sit too long. And no, I’m not a lonely old woman who lives with her children and pets. I have a husband also.

I’m scared the words that I say will be turned, twisted, and screwed. I’m afraid of my words being misinterpreted into something sinister to fit an agenda. I fear that someone I know will call me and cuss me out because they will think that this entire website is about them. I’m frightened to death of all of the unknowns.

These words are all my inner thoughts and feelings. Some have heard them before, and now others are reading my thoughts and experiences for the first time. I am trying to come out of my shell, sorta kinda. I love every aspect of me, so this is more like expanding on fighting my fear of public speaking (in a sense).

I want to continue to be authentically and unapologetically me. I love everyone, even those who are undercover enemies. I have to work on caring about the general rules of life in respect to how to conduct with others. I can’t be afraid to speak. I will never know if one of my strange posts touched someone if I continue carrying this fear. And I thought anxiety was gone. So, I have to start fixing this aspect of my life.