Uncertainty
I have been struggling with random thoughts for the past few months. Thoughts of staying safe, running the household under new provisions due to COVID-19, and relationship ups and downs have kept me from uninterrupted sleep at night. Those thoughts are not a real struggle. Views of the future are increasingly plaguing me. For example, will I become a homeowner in 2021 as planned, or will I remain a renter? Not looking at the future as the side effects of 2020, but I can’t be so naive not to think that the residual effects of this year will impact the world for years to come.
I have struggled with reaching homeownership for years. In the past, my focus was solely on providing for my children and saving whatever leftover money I had for a rainy day. I was able to save enough money to start taking my path to homeowner status seriously. I contacted a realtor to help and found my dream home. At the time, I was a single mother of three, so the four bedrooms five-bath home in one of DeKalb County’s upscale subdivisions was a perfect choice.
Before finding the home, I received a preapproval from my bank. I was excited that I was pre-approved for a considerable amount and felt that I could finally live in a more diverse area. When I finally made up my mind about my future home, I became injured on the job. Sidelined with an injury, I had to decide if I wanted to complete the home buying process or ride the wave of uncertainty related to the injury I sustained. I decided to ride the wave.
Looking back, I can admit that I made several mistakes that kept me sidelined despite the injury. Quite honestly, almost every financial mistake a poor person can make, I made them. I went from middle-class living to the twilight zone, for real.
The recession turned my uncertainty into anxiety and depression. I wanted to work but couldn’t. I wasn’t adjusted to the aches and pain of bilateral carpal tunnel. I wanted my life back. I started feeling as if the things that I wanted to achieve were unobtainable.
Life felt as it was crumbling at my feet. Marriage down the drain, saving depleted, once again single mother, now a total of 5 kids, paying off marital debt alone and trying to maintain a home. I felt like everything negative that could happen was thrown at me: bankruptcy, temporary homelessness, and no one to lean on. The same ones who would always ask me for help had no help to give when it was my turn. I had to figure out a way to fix this mess.
I made the necessary steps to recover for the sake of my family. No matter how much who was at fault, I knew that it did not matter. What truly mattered was the actions I had to take to stabilize my family’s foundation. Fast forward to now, my thoughts drift back to those times, and I wonder if it may happen again. Then those thoughts quickly dissolve, and I start actively flooding my mind with affirmations.
It’s only human to worry about the outlook of 2021 and beyond. Plans for creating generational wealth and leaving behind a lasting legacy remain my real focus. My thoughts drift to the millions of people that will face eviction soon. Where will they go? Will any of them be able to find a new home? Will the federal government step in to prevent the massive wave of evictions that are soon to come? Will the real estate market cause another crash? My mind can churn out some whoppers!
To summarize, life is full of uncertainties. Some we can control, and others we can’t. Just because the future may seem dreary doesn’t give any of us the right to give up. Continue to make plans for the future. Continue to create and be innovative. Continue to dream big dreams. You have two choices: decide to wait and see, or you can put forth your best effort to make your dreams become a reality—your choice.
