From Mourning to Mastery: My Journey of Letting Go and Leveling Up
January 6, 2023, is a day I will never forget. I sat in the driveway of what used to be my home, my toddler son and grandson in the backseat of our van. My son’s small voice, innocent yet piercing, broke the silence: “I want to go in house. Why not in house, Mommy?” His words hit me like a hammer. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I realized I had no answer—at least none he could understand. I couldn’t even fully grasp it myself. All I knew was that the house was no longer ours and my life would never be the same.
That day marked the beginning of my mourning period. At first, I grieved everything—my marriage, my home, my stability, and the dreams I had for our family. I spent months trapped in an endless loop of “why.” Why had my marriage failed? Why had I been forced to leave my home? Why did my world feel like it was falling apart? Those questions consumed me, and I was drowning in them.
For a long time, I was stuck in that dark place, weighed down by depression and uncertainty. But life didn’t stop moving forward, and eventually, I realized that I couldn’t stay stuck forever. I had to start finding a way out.
One pivotal moment came on January 27, 2023. It was after a court date related to my divorce. As I left the courtroom and headed back to the hotel where I was staying, I felt different. A realization swept over me like a gentle breeze: “You were never the problem.” That truth hit me hard. For months, I had carried the weight of self-blame, thinking I had somehow failed. But in that moment, I started to believe that I wasn’t the one at fault. That realization became the foundation I needed to rebuild.
That summer, I declared that DiscoverMe month would be different—a time to focus on myself and map out what I wanted for my future. I made a list of 104 goals and changes I wanted to accomplish. At the very top of that list was one simple but powerful aim: become wiser in every aspect of my life. That list became my roadmap, and slowly but surely, I started putting in the work.
Over time, I began to embrace change rather than fear it. I learned that growth often comes from the most uncomfortable places. I also learned to let go of the people and things that no longer served me. It was a hard pill to swallow, realizing that some of the people I had supported over the years wouldn’t show up for me when I needed them most. But that realization taught me the value of mutual, reciprocal relationships.
Looking back, I realize my mourning period wasn’t just about the end of my marriage or losing my home. It was about saying goodbye to the old version of myself—the one who clung to the life I thought I was supposed to have. It was about making peace with the fact that life doesn’t always go according to plan and that’s okay.
Today, two years later, I’m in a completely different place. The grief I once felt has been replaced with gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned. I now understand that marriage requires balance and mutual effort. I’ve made peace with the loss of my niece, holding on to the memories we shared instead of the pain of her absence. And I’ve redefined my relationships, focusing on connections that are reciprocal and life-giving.
Sharing this journey is important to me because I know I’m not alone in these struggles. So many people face life-altering changes and feel like they’re navigating a storm with no map. I want to offer hope and guidance to anyone feeling stuck, lost, or uncertain.
If you’re in the middle of your own mourning period, know this: it’s okay to grieve, but don’t stay stuck there. Seek help if you need it—whether that’s from a trusted friend, a family member, or a licensed therapist. Apps like BetterHelp can connect you with a professional counselor from the comfort of your home, making therapy accessible and convenient.
The path forward begins with one step: honesty. Be honest with yourself about what’s holding you back and why you’re struggling to let go. Change is hard, but it’s also inevitable. Embrace it, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Looking back at my journey and the stories I’ve shared on my blog, I see a common thread: resilience. Whether writing about personal growth, setting meaningful goals, or navigating life’s unexpected twists, my focus has always been on moving forward. Today’s post is no different. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is light ahead if we’re willing to keep going.
The mourning period is over. The lessons have been learned. Now, it’s time for the Upgrade.
