DiscoverMe Month
In 2011, I was in a dark place. I lost myself entirely, and others realized it. I didn't even feel the same. A lot of unnecessary chaos and drama was going on in my life, and I was at a crossroads. I had to make the decision to either choose myself or choose insanity. I chose myself.
So, on June 11, 2011, I decided that I would rediscover myself. And I decided to do it 30 days before my birthday. I wanted to get myself back completely, but I knew it would not be overnight or a one-month process. So I came up with a plan for myself. I decided to take 30 days and discover pieces of myself that I had lost. During those 30 days, I cried, laughed, screamed, and beat myself up. I blamed myself for failing myself. It was as if I was unable to face who I had become. I didn't like that chick, to be honest.
I didn't like how she would cringe at specific things that were being done to her. I didn't like how she allowed herself just let go of life. She allowed herself to get to a place of darkness and loneliness. And that hurt. So with dredging up old memories and trying to read rediscover me, I ask myself questions for everything that I was blaming myself for. I wanted to know if I was indeed the reason for me not being me. And I discovered the answer was yes.
I tried to be in denial, but reality would not allow me to stay in denial for long. I decided that with me knowing that I am the reason why I lost myself, I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish over the next year. So every year, I go through a mental catalog of what I've done, what I've said, and what I want to do moving forward. I also came up with resolutions for issues that may have gone unsolved. Then I take that next year and work on my goals. Then, when June 12 rolls around, I start to evaluate if I have completed any of the goals that I set for myself and measure my growth. For some years, I was able to see change. Other years, I was able to see where there were new opportunities of being better than I used to be.
Mental Self-Care
It’s just as important as the other forms of self-care
From June 12 to July 12, I take time out for each of those days to recall what I've gone through, and most importantly, what I have accomplished. And then, I make new goals for the new year and strive to achieve them. The process is arduous when you start, I'm not gonna lie. It takes a lot of mental strength two actually do the work. And it's hard work. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you get angry, or you just become sad. But after you go through all those emotions, you take the time out to come up with ways of correcting what made you sad or what made you mad, or what made you angry. And that's what I do.
I call it my DiscoverMe Month. I have my journal, my purple pen. Then I sit down, and I write out questions to ask myself. And yes, I answer myself. In my opinion, if you love and cherish yourself, you will get to the root of what's going on with you and if talking to yourself to find the answer to your problem helps, then do it.
My advice to anyone who would like to do their own DiscoverMe month is this: understand that this process is draining. You may find things about yourself that you simply don't like. You may find something that you absolutely adore and don't want to change about yourself. But you have to do the work if you're going to discover yourself. This is not an exercise of abusing yourself or promoting self-harm or self-hate. It's not meant to be that way.
If you find yourself in a dark spot, try to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Seek professional help to address issues that are too hard or complicated to deal with alone. Sometimes there are some things in life that you just can't fix. That's OK. Don't stress yourself over something that you cannot control. But the things that you can control work on those. Overall, taking the time to rediscover yourself will help change your personal perspective for the better.
